I don't understand why God would let us meet, knowing that we could never be together.

The part that hurts me the most right now is , knowing that I once had you and then lost you.

But I have thought about it so many times. Perhaps mostly because everyone besides myself seems to wonder when I'm going to find someone new. But I don't let it get to me.

I still want us to work it out. I still want to be with you. I want all of our dream comes true. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to keep all of our promises. I want us.

I don't care if all of them trying to discourage me. I don't care if no one wants me to be with you. If loving you is wrong then I don't want to be right. I can go through all those bullshits,as long as you promise to stay by my side. But not you, no. I don't expect you to be one of them, because you are the reason why I'm still  not giving up.

But, after lastnight. Maybe, giving up is the best for both of us. We can no longer back to how we were used to be.

This time, I'm not gonna fight for you anymore. I'm gonna miss you like hell. Miss our sleepovers. Our late night discussion as we snuggled. You pulling me close to you. I'll miss the nights as we laid there hugging, stealing kisses in the darkness. So innocent and pure. I love you, more than than you know.

 And yet I hate you for doing this to me. Putting me in a position of loving someone I'm not supposed to love.  I'm not supposed to want. "you are not good for me" , I kept telling myself that. I repeat it in my head hoping I could convince my heart. But I can't, because I love you so much. You will always be a part of me.

I don't want to lose you. It hurts you as much as it hurts me. I could hear it in your voice lastnight. You meant what you said. I dont't want you to ever stop loving me. It seems only recently we were dorks hanging out celebrates my birthday.

You grabbed my heart. I didn't know it then.

Im going to miss you embrace. Your scents. Your fingers running through my hair. Your kisses. Your smile. Your jokes. The way your eyes looked at me. Oh God, I love you so much. I hate your ego and pessimistic attitude, and your annoying intelligence. The fact that you  need to be right all the time. That you constantly talk about woman as an individual that need to be rule, yet despite all the iffies quality you had, I still love you.

I love that dorky smile that smirks across your face every time I say something stupid. I'm gonna miss it. All the bad and good memories. I'm gonna miss you. And I am still in love with you. But it wont be the same.

I lost you, the you I love. I miss you. I love you. Come back to me. I'm waiting.  I know time can't erase a feeling this strong.

But if its do, then it's gonna hurt so bad. It's gonna hurts a lot more than before.

mras.