Today I have learnt not to love. Because to love, is to get hurt and one's heart can only take so much. Time and time again I put myself out there, open, trusting, loving. But what I receive in return is nothing shy of selfishness and self-centeredness.

So why love?
Why love when it hurts so much? Why give yourself to someone when they'll just throw you away later? Why?
Call me jaded, but I like to think of myself as a realist. A realist who has been burned far too many times.

As much as I would like to go into details, I don't think they matter. Each incident, each person, each relationship, it's all the same, just with different colours, circumstances, nuances.

I'd like to stop myself here, before I go on any further and say that everything was my fault. From the beginning to the end, it was all stupid, trusting me. So there. You're free of any guilt whatsoever. But just so you know, I thought you were different.

I don't think this will ever happen to me for a while because this risk is just something that I'm not going to take so soon or so easily. The pain, at one point of time was unbearable but now has just numbed to a dull thudding ache.

So somebody, anybody, please tell me, why love?
Because I sure as hell don't know.

"Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" is not true. I'd rather live not knowing the pain and instead still have dreams about how wonderful love should be. Now I just know that it is nothing but pain, tears, and a gut-wrenching feeling.